Sharing Feelings of Pain and Confusion
“Aqsa, you have torn the heart out of our family, and changed our lives forever, please come home.”
These pained words come from the family of Aqsa Mahmood who left her home to travel to Syria and marry a Daesh fighter in 2013. The statement points to an aching disappointment and a desire to regain a lost family member, both at once.
Now, a new report shows that, families across the world who have been through the heart-breaking ordeal of losing their loved ones display similar emotions and feelings.
The independent report by ICSR at King’s College London is based on 46 accounts of families from 17 different countries, just under two thirds of whom are from western countries (Western Europe, North America, and Australia). Where relevant, they were corroborated with accounts from foreign fighters themselves.
The anguish and betrayal felt by the families of those left behind surface in a similar way, whether the families are from Britain, the USA, Tunisia, Turkey or another country. Overwhelmingly they feel pain and confusion, and to a lesser extent, anger and shame.
It is difficult for families to view their sons, daughters, sisters and brothers as ‘monsters’ as the media labels them. The initial and dominating feeling is one of loss. For example, a father from the US said: “It’s very hard. Our family’s not the same anymore… He was the life of our family and [now] he’s not there. It’s like the whole life has been sucked out.” This was echoed by an Australian father who commented: “His mother has not stopped crying since we learnt of this news. I have told her we need to forget about him now… But inside my heart is breaking.”
In Scotland, Aqsa Mahmood’s father warned: “If our daughter had all the chances and freedom in life, could become a bedroom radical, then it is possible for this to happen to any family.”
The report re-asserts that families can be the main driving force stopping young people leaving their homes and tearing up their futures.
If you’re having trouble getting through to a relative or a friend, and you’re feeling increasingly concerned, you’re not alone. FAST is here to help and to offer guidance when it comes to the difficult conversations. Please do not hesitate to get in touch. See our ‘where to turn’ page for more information.
